What? NO VOMIT?

Just saw "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" at a sneak preview...


Peee-YEW!!!!! Vat a SHTINKAH!

It started out good-there were some genuinely scary scenes at the beginning when the Emily chick started to become possessed by demons...

(MWAH HA HA HAAAHHH!! Hail SATAN!!!!)


...but then the film degenerated into a turgid courtroom drama with a few cheap shocks thrown in (mostly told in flashback) in an attempt to wake the snoozing audience.

Despite some effective scenes of Emily Rose (who is cute in a sort of possessed-Hillary-Swank-sort-of-way...) eating bugs and screaming Aramaic insults in a cool Norwegian Black Metal voice the whole affair ended up coming off as an expensive made for TV movie. To make the movie even more unpalatable, the director seemed to be using the film as a platform to convince the audience that God IS real and demons DO possess the unwilling.

GIVE ME A BREAK! When I want a fucking commercial for the Christian Church, I'll turn on Jerry Falwell's Old Time Christian Buttfuck Show OKAY???

All the smarmy bible thumping did was make me root for Old Scratch and his mnions even harder.

Final summation:

Exorcism of Emily Rose="Law and Order" meets "Exorcist" on the 700 Club...give it a miss...


If you want some REAL Exorcist-sploitation (hey-did I coin a phrase? Oops!) go out and rent Juan López Moctezuma's "Alucarda" or Ken Russell's "The Devils." (Emily doesn't even VOMIT ONCE!! What kind of puny-ass'd demon got in to HER?)

...AND (*rant alert!*) Why do they take these sneak previews so BLOODY SERIOUSLY!?!?!? They had genuine COPS at the door with AIRPORT WANDS shaking down the audience for cell phones and recording devices. Do they seriously think that somebody's going to sell somebody a shitty cell phone recorded bootleg of THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!!??? Dream on...Emily Rose'll end up in the $5.00 bin at Wal-Marts in about two weeks...